Ff14 Funny Gifts to Send Someone

Final Fantasy XIV Main Funny Index
Legacy/A Realm Reborn - Heavensward - Stormblood - Shadowbringers - Gentleman Inspector Hildibrand

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Stormblood

• The Level 60 WAR Quest which kicks off its new storyline begins with Curious Gorge and Broken Mountain summoning you to help them in a battle they were summoned to against none other than the, er... "Mysterious Marauders" from the old Marauder questline. Their return alone is funny. What's truly hilarious is what follows, as in the wake of the match newcomer Dorgono awakens her Inner Beast and knocks her teammates into the surrounding waters in a downright cartoonish fashion. While the Player and Broken Mountain are suitably surprised by this turn, Curious Gorge has a... slightly different reaction. She then proceeds to do the same thing to him.

  Curious Gorge: [Lovestruck as he flies through the air] "She swings like a dream~"

• The French version of the final (lv. 70) Bard quest comes with a hilarious Shout-Out to the infamous comic Asterix when Nourval goes Semiautomatix and binds Guydelot with these words:

  "No, you won't sing! No, you won't sing!"

• Upon reaching Kugane, the party is greeted by a man named Hancock. Once again your reputation precedes you, in more ways than one.
  • The best part is, if you've done the 3.x Hildibrand quest, those rumors are 100% true.
• You'll often find NPCs counting objects. Seemingly the same number of objects indefinitely. Out on Onokoro, one other NPC seems to know this and doesn't care for it.

  Roegadyn Confederate: You need some help? There's one box, and two casks. Now can we go?

• In Limsa, as the Scions are readying to head to Doma, the means of transport is revealed to be handled by Captain Carvallain of the Kraken's Arms pir...I mean, "spice traders". After Alisaie taking issue with the fact that their relying on a privateer crew, Carvallain points out that this trip has incredible risk and likely no profit to be had and wonders if it will really be worth his time. Tataru takes this moment to speak up with a shit-eating grin on her face, mentioning that during her time working at the Forgotten Knight she heard the most interesting tale. That Count Durendaire's first born son was presumed lost and dead during a sailing trip, but that he still believes his son to be alive and is offering a sizable reward for any information leading to his missing son. And if this missing son is not found soon, the house is having to consider letting the younger son, one Jannequinard de Durendaire, become the head of the house. Captain Carvallain very quickly changes his tune and says he'll start readying his crew and ship to leave port.
• When the party arrives in Kugane and meet with Hancock, he warns them that they should be behave themselves unless they wish to wind up bifurcated like Teledji Adeleji. Everyone reacts in shock while Hancock doubles over, slapping his knee, laughing at his own joke. Alisaie just stands there stoically as if she gives no shits about Hancock's dark humor. Later on, talking to Alphinaud shows he doesn't like Hancock's attitude, which he perceives to be untrustworthy (due to his connection to Lord Lolorito) and mocking:

  Alphinaud: (One of these days, I may just punch that man in the face...)

  • Hancock seems to be a great source of these reactions. During a later quest, where you pose as a merchant, giving someone your best Hancock impression only makes them feel like they should be holding onto their gil even tighter.
• While on the search for Gosetsu and Yugiri, Alphinaud had the idea to create search posters to look for them. Lyse is amazed that Alphinaud can draw by memory and said Y'shtola warned her about this fact. It isn't enough that Y'shtola told her about the Alphinaud's ability to draw but that she had to warn her about it because of the one time Alphinaud saw her naked.
• During a sidequest where you play as a merchant, a customer can come up to you wearing a necklace with a red jewel in it. One of your replies can be "Is that one of the eyes of Nidhogg!?"
• When Lyse meets Gyodo, she is surprised to see that he is what is basically a talking catfish. Moments later, she and the Warrior of Light meet their first Kojin (race of bipedal turtles) in town who offers them aid in hiding from the guards, causing Lyse to react with this:

  Lyse: First a talking fish, and now a tortoise? <sigh> What have we got to lose?

• When Gyodo's very obvious trap that the Scion's were expecting gets sprung, and they're "ambushed" by Garlean soldiers risking the wrath of the Sekiseigumi law enforcement of Kugane just to capture them, Lyse just handles it very matter of fact and a large amount of exasperation at the whole mess.

  Lyse: <sigh> I knew it couldn't be this simple...
  Gyodo: Nothing personal, yes, yes? Just business.
  Lyse: Then business is about to take a turn for the worse...
  (Proceeds to punt Gyodo high into the air, his body backlit by the full moon, and having Blank White Eyes. The Garleans even pause to watch at how high he is sent flying. Then without even looking and completely casual fashion, Lyse catches him over her shoulder, with Circling Chocobos over Gyodo's head.)

• Talking to Tataru after escaping from the guards has her give her take on the talking beastmen, which she claims will only get worse if bears start to talk:

  Tataru: Talking tortoise, talking catfish...I tell you, though—it's when bears start talking that you need to worry. That, my friends, spells the end of civilization as we know it!

• While Alisaie isn't a fan of swimming, she can swim just fine. She makes fun of Alphinaud's inability to swim and asks him if she should have brought him his water floaters.
  • What really puts the icing on the mocking-his-inability-to-swim cake, though, is her voice actor's magnificent delivery of an Incredibly Lame Pun later in the main scenario quests;

    Alisaie: Somehow, the boy just isn't very buoyant.

  • A similar event happens near the end of the game where the Warrior of Light and Thancred have to swim through a long underwater tunnel to sneak into Ala Mhigo. Because you have the Kojin's blessing, drowning is a non issue for you. Thancred, who had boasted earlier that he can hold his breath for 10 minutes (Itself a Monkey Island Reference), complains how you have it easy with your blessing while he has to catch his breath after the long swim.
• The Warrior of Light, through dialog choices, can come across as hilariously blunt and/or psychotic. For example, when planning to deal with a new primal the ananta have summoned they can tell a friendly ananta:

  Warrior of Light: Know that I will kill your god if I have to. Maybe even if I don't.

• The Yanxia FATE "The Virgin Homicides" has the description "More of Doma's many legendary demon dogs have appeared to terrorize the land's young virgins who, it appears, the demon dogs prefer over the young harlots, old virgins, and old harlots. Think of the virgins. The young ones.''
• While attempting to liberate some Yanxian villagers, Yugiri proposes to knock some soldiers unconscious and steal their uniform to infiltrate. Now, the logical answer is to pick out the one closest to your character's size. Attempting to pick the...ahem, ill-fitted sizes offers some hilarious inner monologue.

  (Lalafell picking the larger uniforms) "If there were three of you standing on each other's shoulders, you could perhaps fit into this uniform. Walking, however, would present a challenge."

• In the Azim Steppe, Magnai says that Lyse and, if female, the Warrior of Light are not the "gentle, ethereal maiden" he seeks as his soulmate, but fierce warriors. One of the WoL's responses has her suggest, through an extremely strained smile, that maybe he should try being "ethereal" while chasing lambs with water in his boots.
• There's something hilarious at how Lakshmi's Signature Move forces the party to suddenly start dancing like a scene from a Bollywood movie.
• After the credits, a cutscene plays setting up the Omega raid storyline, where Cid and the rest of the Garlond Ironworks team are investigating a massive rift in the Fringes, presumably caused by Omega. Cid's eager to set up shop and get to work, but Jessie reminds him of the drain on the company's finances that similar endeavors have caused, and has therefore hired a consultant: Nero tol Scaeva. Everyone's reactions are priceless.
  • It gets even better when you regroup in Rhalgr's Reach:

    Nero: "I'll have you know I'm a sensitive new recruit who thrives on encouragement."
    Cid: "Then I'll trust you thrive elsewhere when I encourage you to piss off!"

    • After this exchange, Biggs explains that they've been at this for a while and the investigation has stalled as a result. The Warrior of Light can either suggest investigating without them... or say "Let me know how it goes. I'm leaving.", complete with a little wave.
• After the battle of Doma Castle, Lord Hien struggles to find something to speak about to his kingdom. After a long pause, the Warrior of Light can offer, "Well if you won't say anything I will."
• During the planning stages of the assault on Doma Castle, Alphinaud realizes that he knows very little info on how to disable the magitek field generators that divides Yanxia in half, so he has word sent to Cid to please send any manuals and schematics that would prove useful to this endeavor. We'll just let the item description speak for itself:

  Magitek Field Generator Manual: Never one to take undue risk, it would seem Cid thought it best to send Alphinaud a massive manual detailing the operation of a magitek field generator, to ensure the boy was prepared for every eventuality. Or possibly to see if he would read the entire thing or give up and whack the generator with a wrench (which works nine times out of ten anyways).

  • In addition, the item in quest was supposed to be just a no-frills errand for the Warrior of Light, in part to check up on Tataru and Hancock, pick it up and return back to Doma. Instead, the overworked delivery man gave the Ruby Bazaar a massive and heavily perfumed love letter that was meant for a member of the Sekiseigumi and is long enough to instead be considered more of a treatise on the matter. After the mistake is corrected by the Warrior of light, Tataru muses that it be just their luck for Cid to send the wrong papers as well (thankfully not), and Hancock has his own amusing reply:

    Hancock: I can only imagine what would have happened had we sent (Player) back to Doma with a parcel full of love letters. The look on Alphinaud's face when he reads the first page... On second thought, I'm a little disappointed we didn't.

• The Level 70 Blacksmith Quest has a hilarious moment where Sekka confesses her love to Brithael. He can only stutter out a "Pardon me?", before slowly turning to share a glance with the girl's father standing off to the side... who then reaches for the katana she just finished making. Brithael's wide-eyed look of horror as Shinto's eyes burn red with a matching Battle Aura of Killing Intent is a thing of beauty.
• The level 70 Dragoon quest has you and the young dragon Orn Khai racing to find Faunheim, the long-lost consort of Orn Khai's sire, only to find her feral with rage. You receive word that a group of merchants have hired a dragon hunter to slay her, and race to find her before the hunter does. Upon reaching her nesting area, you find the hunter is none other than your old comrade Estinien, who gives the following introduction, and receives the following (entirely merited) response from Orn Khai:

  Estinien: It would seem we two Azure Dragoons share one target. Though I suppose neither of us still hold that mantle - old habits do not die so easily.
  Orn Khai: The Azure Dragoon of Ishgard!?

  • A bit earlier, when you go searching for Faunhem in Ala Mhigo, you end up looking for a "sleeping dragon", said location turns out to be the location of legendary Monk's grave who held the moniker. When Professor Erik from the Monk questline shows up, he begins to share with you and Orn Khai the history of the Sleeping Dragon (complete with his usual rant devolving into Blah, Blah, Blah), only for Orn Khai to just flutter off. The player character looks at Erik, sees that he's not stopping any time soon, and leaves as well. It takes Erik a good thirty seconds to realize you've left, upon which he just hangs his head dejectedly and walks back into the tomb.
• One of the sidequest's in Stormblood has you train an upstart Miqo'te boy who keeps challenging the clan leader and horribly losing... on the behest of that same leader. When you meet him, the boy will react rudely and decide to fight you. When the scene fades out, there is no actual combat, just a smash cut to him squirming on the ground in pain wwith you standing over him.
• The same sidequest has you tossing live grenades at the Miqo'te for the purpose of toughening him up.

  M'Zhet Tia: Those grenades took a toll on me, but I'm feeling much better. My ribs have taken an unusual shade of purple, but I bet that means the training's working.

  • He returns again in the rank 5 Anata beastmen quest where he arrives to help out an ill person. First he claims he's the "savior" everyone was waiting for, claims that J'olhmyn (a soldier who has more important things to worry about) is in love with him, and then claims the ill man is simply "lovestruck". Alpa isn't buying any of it:

    Alpa: If you're brothers, it's clear to see which one got all the brains. Is he always this ssstupid?
    Warrior of Light: *nods*

  • To top it all off, he tries to show off his strength to everyone by having you throwing grenades at him yet again. If you are feeling devious, you can throw the grenades at Alpa and J'olhmyn and they'll both call you out on it.
    • Even better, when asking you to do so, he begins with "Even if I tell you to stop, keep throwing them". Naturally, he later asks you to stop...
• During your road to a monastery near Ala Mhigo, you have to look through some ruins for clues to where said monastery is located. One of the objects you find is a magitek device that is obviously a trap. Since you already looked everywhere else, you have to activate it anyway. Imperial soldiers arrive and Thancred chews you out for it.

  Thancred: All right, which one of you triggered the obvious trap!?

• For most of the dungeons and trials in the game, the journal text usually tells you to gather your adventurer friends before taking off. In Stormblood, most of the dungeons and trials you go into have the Warrior of Light on their own in the story, but the (English) text mocks it by saying that your friends just happened to be around or had followed you to the Far East. Even Lyse lampshades it when Susano is summoned.

  Alisaie: The rest of the plan, I'm afraid you can guess. I'm sorry, [Player Name], I truly am, but neither of us can even approach Susano, much less hope to defeat him. Which means you're on your own.
  Lyse: Well, who knows? He/She does have an awful lot of adventurer friends. Maybe some of them decided to take a fishing trip to the Far East, and are surprisingly close by...?

• The final Dark Knight quest brings us quite possibly the finest "WTF" face in the game outside of the Hildibrand storylines. As an unexpected ally (your Enemy Within, Fray) joins the fight, Sidguru goes wide-eyed and slack-jawed, as it was probably the last person he expected to ever see again.
• In 4.1 Eventually during the MSQ, you'll be given an Echo glimpse of Raubahn's past with Nanamo, namely the moment he won the battle that got his place on the Syndicate, featuring Nanamo running away from her various servants trying to keep her out the pit, while she snarks at them as they fall over, only for her to jump on one of the fallen and into Raubahn's hands, complete with a comical hop effect.
  • Doubles as Moment of Awesome in that this scene was originally in 1.0, and is redone near word for word here and voiced in the quest "There will be Blood"
• In the MSQ for 4.2, Alphinaud proclaims that he's going to swim from the Ruby Price to where the Garleans are attacking and that he's been practicing. He proceeds to run to the edge and let out the most comedic yell as he awkwardly dives in. Even more so, it more looks like he bellyflopped.
• One of the dungeons added in 4.2, Hells' Lid, has one when you complete it for the first time:

  Soroban: ^note A Kojin, who are basically a species of humanoid turtles. By the kami! A talking turtle!
  The Warrior of Light and Tataru both turn their heads towards Soroban.
  Tataru: I...I don't even know where to begin with that one...

• In one of the Anata beastmen quests, you're tasked with washing a dirty bed sheet in a river. The game hangs a big lampshade over it, noting how the hands that felled many gods succeeded in getting rid of most of the filth in the sheets, but you are too determined to leave the job half finished until the whole thing is 100% clean. The item description for the sheets changes each time you wash it:

  (Not washed) Sheets so dirty it makes you cry.
  (1st wash) Sheets so dirty it makes you laugh.
  (2nd wash) Most people would consider this clean. You are not most people.
  (3rd wash) So clean you can almost hear it squeak.

• Upon reaching the bloodsworn rank with the Ananta, you're treated to a feast with a few others. M'Zhet Tia is offered to drink some spirits, but he declines since it doesn't agree with him. J'olhmyn goads him into drinking it to show what he's made of and he proceeds to do so. M'Zhet winds up vomiting off screen and somehow managed to plaster the ceiling with it.

  Tahla Molkoh: M'zhet! Are you all right?
  J'olhmyn: Evidently not. I think I've lost my appetite.
  Gales: Don't just stand there! Get a mop!
  Tahla Molkoh: Ye gods! How did he get it on the ceiling!?

• The boss of the endgame dungeon Kugane Castle is Yojimbo, a sellsword who promises to fight only if he is well-paid. Avoiding his insta-wipe attack is a matter of collecting the gold coins his client tosses onto the battlefield before his canine companion, Daigoro, can retrieve them: if you fail, he'll give his client what he paid for, but if you snatch up the money before he can collect, he will dial back his efforts accordingly. At the end of the fight, Yojimbo declares that his client is no longer able to afford his services and takes his leave through a hole in the arena's floor.
  • Made funnier that the hole is actually a stage elevator.
• The Unending Journey entries will have moments of snark if a recalled scene had something silly involved. This is turned up a notch when reading past quests involving Hildibrand. In the second Hildibrand quest during Stormblood, the twists that happen are written as "something you ought to have seen coming". When describing how one of the undead gentleman managed to get werewolf suit, the narration seems to be Giving Up on Logic and simply goes with "because sometimes life is funny like that."
• The wind-up Fafnir minion is a big tease from the developers towards anyone who had played Final Fantasy XIand tried to go after the infamous Ridill with its low drop rate. The minion is described as being designed by a scholar who insisted that the dragon carry the sword and when asked, he muttered some thing about "drop rates". The Japanese version swaps out the drop rate joke with "occasionally attacks three times", which was a feature of the weapon in its home game.
• Tataru's impulsiveness in looking at a chest of special infused dust meant for Soroban she suspects is fake results in Genbu tackling her out of the way. The result of a few moments of exposure is her coming out looking like an old hag to her dismay for a minute or two, when it wears off her reaction is a picture
  • When Tataru dawns her arcanist stance in the following fight she starts off sounding confident only for her Carbuncle abandons her AGAIN causing her to run about in a panic most of the fight except when healing you. She wallows about being deserted.

  Tataru: Desertion is punishable by death! My death!

  • On top of this, during the fight she will continuously walk into danger and will even bring area damage attacks into you while wondering why you're running away from her.
• Talking to Alisaie early on between quest markers in 4.3 reveals that Alphinaud has been given such a stern talking to by Tataru that he refuses to do so much as buy of tea without considering his money, much to her irritation. ^note For context, this was after Alphinaud bought back Gosetsu's katana. Without checking the price and the Scions' coffers.
• While helping the Doman Adventurer's Guild catch the true thieves who stole the grimoire from Rowena, they all stand imposingly with their arms crossed at the thief. The Warrior of Light does a double-take before quickly copying their stance. Why is it funny? The Doman Adventurer's Guild are all children.
  • Then again, they're children facing down a Lalafell thieving ring... so they actually STILL have height over the culprits.
• The introduction mission for the Nazamu Beast Tribe has the WoL find a Namazu flopping around in the Azim Steppe. The game assures the player that it will survive without any help from you, at which point both options are to try and escape before it wakes up and subjects the player to a long and lengthy quest chain.
  • The quest eventually reaches Mol Iloh, where the Namazu are about to explain their need to set up for a ceremony This is cut short by the leader saying that they already had a place set up for them, to the shock of everyone, even the Wo L, who expected to have to explain and negotiate.
• As part of the quest chain to open the Namazu tribe quests, you are trying to help a young Namazu "find his fortune." Eventually, he obtains a supply of imperial weapons and finds willing buyers, but sets his price at enough gil to live comfortably for a decade. From recently freed farmers. When they need the weapons to kill a plant-monster, one of the options to let them borrow them is to say "We have to try before we can buy!" which is seen as perfectly logical from the Namazu's perspective.
  • Afterwards, knowing that the village can't provide the gil he asks for, the Namazu asks for something he can't otherwise get. And eyes persimmons. He trades his stock of weapons for the fruit so he can make a dye for a "unique" orange robe.
• One of the quests to rank up in the Namazu tribe is to shoot an arrow at a target held by a Namazu. If you hit the beastman instead, he flops on the ground with blank white eyes. painfully remarking about the craftsmanship of your arrows. You can do this over and over if you feel like being a jerk.
• At the end of the level 70 goldsmith quest, Nanamo is so happy with her gift that she starts jumping around excitedly and cheering before realizing what she's doing. She tries to regain her composure and act proper.
• During the Namazu questline it's revealed that a famine will hit the Azim Steppe Xaela and the Namazu would have become a food source because of it. While the event itself is averted due to the Warrior of Light's actions, a what-if flash forward instead of showing either the Oronir or the Dotharl, both fiercely war-like, it shows that the kind hearted Mol of all people would have happily taken part in the slaughter.
  • If you talk to Cirina of the Mol between objectives she calls Gyorin delicious looking and wants to know if all Namazu are as plump as he is. The first possible optional dialogue has Gyoshin feeling all nervous in front of her wondering if it's love. Cirina has other things on her mind.

    Cirina: (Mmm, catfish buuz... I can nearly taste it...)

• Speak to the Scions after Alphinaud leaves with the Populists, most of them comment on his bravery but also their concern for him ( Alisaie just talks about how stubborn he is and calls it a family trait) and then you get to Arenvald...

  Arenvald: Lyse told me about Alphinaud's little jaunt into the Empire. I can't believe he left without telling me—I've half a mind to dunk him in the lake when he gets back!

• Partway into the Monster Hunter: World collaboration questline, Felyne, the cat companion from their home game, meets and speaks with the player about the bill he posted. You could tell that you're in on the hunt, or lampshade the fact he's a talking cat...in spite of the player being wholly familiar with talking animals or is a talking cat too, if they're a Miqo'te or Hrothgar. Felyne has some choice words for the latter response regardless.

  Fashionable Feline: And what's wrong with a talking cat? Have you not seen the turtles and fish around these parts?
  Fashionable Feline (to a Miqo'te or Hrothgar): Oh, that's rich coming from you. Or have you not looked in a mirror lately?

• Midway into the Doman Reconstruction questline, the (former) Doman refugees have finally found an interested buyer for Doman paper so they can turn a trade profit... but the refugee informing everyone is hesitant to speak the name of the buyer until pressed: Rowena, who at this point is well-established as a relentless Loan Shark. The knee-slapping part comes from the Warrior of Light's responses: "I'd sooner suggest they sell their souls to a voidsent" is the serious option.
• In the MSQ for 4.4, after Y'shtola thoroughly demolishes Magnai in combat, the Xaela becomes lovestruck and asks Y'shtola if she was meant to be his fated soulmate. Y'shtola proceeds to demolish him emotionally by rejecting him in the most hilarious way possible.

  Y'shtola: I am... not interested, little sun. Try again when you have become a man.
  Magnai: (shoulders and face slowly slumping as his elation turns to soul-crushing rejection, in a small, high-pitched, and quiet voice) Little...?

  • To make it even better, Sadu begins calling him "little sun" as well while laughing hysterically at him. To say Magnai was pissed would be an understatement
  • Just as Sadu and Magnai and their followers are about to have yet another one of their battles, Y'shtola just strolls right between the two sides, having grown bored and weary of the whole situation and walks off to report to Cirina that they have secured an alliance and agreement with the other tribes, provided they don't kill each other first, followed by Hien and the Warrior of Light who have become used to this at this point and just smile and shrug at each other. You can then hear the muffled sound effect that plays at the end of boss intro cutscene (which usually leads to the start of a boss fight or encounter).
  • Speak with Y'shtola after the fact and she reveals she's heard worse than Magnai's proposition.

    Y'shtola: ...Offended? Not in the least. I am no stranger to clumsy propositions, and that, believe it or not, was far from the worst I have heard.

  • It probably burns doubly so for Magnai since Sadu's reaction to her fight with the Wo L shows she's... very satisfied with her battle...
• Starlight Celebration 2018 brings in some moments of hilarity for the player...
  • When searching out people to sing for the choir, the descriptions for such qualified people are rather...flowery and vague. For example, when suggesting for a person with a voice "as uplifting as birdsong on a crisp winter's morning," you could suggest Amh Garanjy, the organizer of the event, or take the Literal-Minded option and suggest a chocobo.
    • Becomes Hilarious in Hindsight as the Starlight event in the following year actually did involve a singing chocobo.
  • Once the choir is assembled the player is tasked to conduct the choir to sing for an audience, utilizing rhythm game mechanics. You could do your job and conduct properly, or absolutely blow it and hear the choir sing off-key, punctuated with your character dropping to their knees in failure as the chord for "Duty Failed" plays. If you recover from your screw up during the performance, the choir will seamlessly get back on key as if they were singing correctly all along.
  • When it comes down to it, remember that real singers were told while recording to sing horribly for the failing version of the song.
• The Blue Mage job quests are kicked off with Martyn trying to prove that he isn't some con artist trying to pass off worthless rocks as soul stones by lending the Warrior of Light some Blue Mage gear to try out the art by learning Water Cannon from a baby kraken. Cue his Mammol Ja associates accidentally summoning a large kraken which the Warrior of Light spends a long period of time constantly getting shot with the attack as he tries to whittle the beast's health down with nothing more than a cane.
  • Martyn's half-assed description for learning the spell is also counts:

    Martyn: Not to worry! All you have to do is give it a few licks with the patented blue magic focus, or "stick" if you prefer, and out tentacled friend'll return the favor... by firin' possibly quite painful jets of water at you. Oh, and try not to die!

  • During one quest, Martyn gets everything he has on him "repossessed" by loan sharks, including all his clothing! Martyn says despite it all, at least he still has his dignity. This is followed by an extended shot of him walking back to Ul'dah in nothing but his blue underwear.
• In Eureka, there's a Logos action that can be described as "Sprint hopped up on crack." known as "Swift L". When you use this action, you run so fast that it rivals the comical sprinting speeds seen in the Hildibrand quests.
• After clearing Hell's Lid, the initial dungeon in the Four Lords sidequest chain, you encounter Genbu, a sentient turtle, alongside one of the Kojin, a race of turtle-like beastmen. Upon seeing a turtle who can talk, said Kojin reacts with surprise and shock to a talking turtle... causing both Tataru and the Warrior of Light to slowly turn their head to look at him and Tataru to react with something akin to "I don't even know how to respond to that."

    Interdimensional Rift Raids

Deltascape

• The Savage difficulty of Omega is unlocked by speaking with a Garlond Ironworks terminal that, in order to help ease stress, plays a soothing melody (The main Final Fantasy theme) for the user to relax to. Then the terminal mentions that the piece was composed specifically for the Ironworks by a minstrel of some renown. The Warrior of Light immediately realizes that they mean The Wandering Minstrel who's music has invoked powerful re-imaginings of their fiercest battles before in the past...only for the terminal to then tell them that continued listening may cause one's imagination to run wild and rethink events of the past in a fantastical manner. The Warrior of Light can only stagger in disbelief as you're informed that Deltascape Savage (and later Sigmascape and Alphascape Savage) has been unlocked.
• Speaking of Deltascape Savage, there's some nerd humor in V1.0 Savage: dataminers discovered that Alte Roite's "Clamp" ability that instantly ejects victims from the arena has a knockback velocity of 7 malms per second. 7 malms the game's Fantastic Measurement System equivalent to 7 real-world miles, and 7 miles per second is escape velocity . The reasons it looks players immediately vanish upon getting hit by Clamp is because that's exactly what's happening: Alte Roite basically slams into them so hard that they literally go flying into outer space (or rather some nondescript otherverse since the fight takes place in the Interdimensional Rift, but, details).

Sigmascape

• Cid's reaction to the first opponent Omega throws at Alpha Team for the Sigmascape test world, VI's famous Phantom Train, is one of complete and utter disbelief. When the fight is over, he struggles to determine if the malevolent train is an actual thing from another world Omega observes from the Rift, or if it's just another fictional thing from a story which was clearly authored by someone who hates trains.
• Later in the Sigmascape, Nero give a bold statement on how he will find the method to Kefka's madness for the upcoming fight. His words and expression really sell it as a Badass Boast... then he takes a sip from his mug and spits its contents out with a sickly grimace, learning that Alpha tried making coffee using salt water.

Alphascape

• During the final battle with Omega after limiting itself in order to further understand how someone so weak could defeat its most powerful form earlier, Omega attempts to mimic various aspects of the player's fighting style. Eventually this branches out to using Limit Breaks which Omega notes the players tend to shout while using. What follows is Omega more or less reenacting an over the top player-made limit break macro.

    Return to Ivalice Alliance Raids

The Royal City of Rabanastre

Ridorana Lighthouse

• During patch day for 4.3, many players rushed to unlock the new Ridorana Lighthouse raid. One of the unlock quests involved a fight against a pair of Red Chocobos that would spawn when the player reached the target area. Several players went to that target area at once, spawning an entire horde of Red Chocobos. While this is nothing new for this quest type on patch day, the catch came from the Red Chocobos having access to Choco Meteor, a very hard-hitting AOE spell that has a very short cast time and applies Vulnerability Up - two hits from a Choco Meteor is all it takes to KO a player, and they chain-cast it. Needless to say there was a lot of player deaths when all of those Red Chocobos spawned at once. The best part is that more new players would show up to do the quest as time went on, spawning another pair of Red Chocobos with each new arrival, perpetuating a cycle of fiery, comedy death that lasted for the whole day!
• In one segment, you are tasked with getting a wine which you have to get by trading an even rarer wine from Dalmasca. When you get back to the wine expert that can appraise it, he comments that it's genuine, but the fact that the bottle is empty makes it impossible to trade it. Both you and the wine expert run out of ideas.......And then out of nowhere Hancock shows up complete with a Scare Chord.
• Mikoto and later Fran each comment upon meeting the Warrior of Light that they were Expecting Someone Taller. This isn't all that funny... unless your Warrior happens to be a Roegadyn or male Au Ra who towers over both of them.
• In the Ridorana Lighthouse, Construct 7 appears as a Legacy Boss Battle. One of his most threatening attacks is... forcing the alliance to do basic math. No, really: he slaps a debuff on everyone that reduces your HP to a certain number, and you must walk into a numbered circle to increase your HP by the amount specified for a couple of math problems he gives you. Fail, and you get a debuff that massively increases damage taken, and he always follows this with an arena-wide AOE.
  • It gets better: during the trash phase of the fight, if your party defeats their add and returns to the arena fast enough, they'll be treated to Construct 7 dancing while everyone is away. And he'll keep going until the trash phase ends. Also lends to an Easter Egg: if you clear Ridorana Lighthouse but don't leave right away, you can return to Construct 7's arena and it will be doing the dance, no longer hostile.
• After clearing The Ridorana Lighthouse, another side quest opens up on the 'Prima Vista' titled "Makin' Bacon (Bread)". The quest-giver is the Company Belle, who along with her husband The Wandering Dramaturge, has infamously given out overly-long and/or expensive quests, such as having to enact a Chain of Deals by running around and trying to find a rare wine vintage, only to have to find an even rarer Dalmascan wine that is no longer produced due to the Empire's invasion and suppression of rebellions to get the prior wine. Or ten servings of High-Quality Bacon Bread. ^note A recipe that requires a player with at least a level 50 Culinarian and unlocked Master Culinarian II to even make. What is your reward? A handful of Cracked Clusters and Cracked Crystals.

Orbonne Monastery

• Following the Bacon Bread debacle after clearing The Orbonne Monastery, a hilarious sequence of events from the quest "In Bad Taste" opens up.
  • To start, it turns out the wine you broke your ass trying to swipe it out of Gegeruju's possession is not all that valuable. Then Hancock literally pops out of nowhere to apologize for the mess...via giving you three bottles of Dalmascan red (after you browbeat him into it with a glare) that you use to swap out the fake in Gegeruju's collection and give as gifts to the blind Lalafell who helped you and the shell shocked Dalmascan war veteran who gave you the empty bottle originally.
  • Then you enlist the help of Shamani Lohmani to help swap back the bottles. This would be a simple negotiation, had he and Gegeruju didn't go fighting over the bottle like kids fighting over toys. And the bottle ends up slipping out of their hands and down to the beach sands below, shattering it.
  • Even funnier still is that during the switcheroo scene, Gegeruju requests his ladies to fetch the wine. He is met with a Death Glare from both of them, scaring him into coughing up some gil to make them do it. He does it again after the bottle shatters, demanding them to put it back together (somehow) and is predictably met with the same glare and ponies up more gil.
• Upon picking up the "In Bad Taste" quest. there's a 'second' confirmation dialogue required to actually accept the quest in proper when the Belle mentions she has something in need of "fetching". The First (top) option is actually the 'no' choice, and has the Warrior of Light channel their inner Fray:

  Warrior of Light: Do not dare use the "F" word around me.

  • The Yes option (listed as the 2nd option usually meant for more silly, blunt, or alternative replies), instead makes the Warrior of Light out as a hopeless, gil-seeking fool with no self-respect:

    Warrior of Light: "But of course! I live to serve!"

• After completing the Ivalice storyline, Jenomis wants to recreate the events that occurred as a play. One of the troupe members gets stuck with the role of Argath, a character many Final Fantasy Tactics fans Love to Hate. Even in universe, the guy playing as him hates him!

  Company Tragedian: A terrible line, isn't it. Oh the writing is fine. Jenomis is a master at his craft. It's just...why did I have to be picked for the role of Argath? He's such a...such a...bloody bastard! Unlike myself...of course.

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Source: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/FinalFantasyXIVFunnyStormblood

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